Beautiful Disaster

I knew that it was bound to happen. I think I just needed someone to tell me. I don’t really trust myself to make wise decisions when it comes to these things. Good thing I have my friends to help me decide. I guess I’m just not cut out for it. Believe me, I tried. Maybe I’m just not as badass as I thought (poser). Hahahaha. Anyway, let’s just see what happens.. Good luck to my future. 

I miss your physical presence. I feel so alive whenever you’re around, I wish you were around. I miss the things you make me feel. The way you touch me like no other. If only the distance & time didn’t matter..

You’re my escape.

I want you, now.

Those late night moments when you’re just lying on your bed waiting to just dose off and just think about everything that’s been happening to your life.

You think about every single mistake & regret that you’ve done and promise to yourself to never do it again.

Where you try to imagine and dream of things you wish would happen.

You think about every single possibility.

All of a sudden you miss someone and wish that you were beside that person.

Be thankful of the things you do & don’t have.

You hope for things to get better.

Just you & your thoughts. Alone.

Since I came back from Cebu last week I’ve just been at home, mostly alone. But I don’t mind. In fact I prefer being alone. I’m good at being alone.

Sometimes I miss you. Ah yes, that feeling.

It’s been so long since we last talked. How you been? Are you okay? I wish you’d talk to me. I know I can talk to you if I really want to but I don’t know how. I’m awkward like that and it’s so hard, really hard. I miss your face. 

I hate feeling like this. I wish I could just turn it off. Like that “I don’t give a fuck” persona. I want that. Well at least a part of it. I wish I could choose the people I care about.. sometimes I can’t. It just happens, and when it does, all I could do is just hope and pray that that person deserves it and not abuse it. Am I making any sense? Whatever.  

Sometimes I don’t know how or what to feel anymore.

You know that feeling when you submerge your hand in bucket of water with too much ice, at first you’d feel how cold it is until you feel a little pain and then you become numb. 

I’m not good when it comes to relating to other people. I’m not really a people-person. I guess you could call me an introvert. So when I do care, it only means that I really care. Too bad some people just don’t appreciate the little things.

I guess it’s a good thing that I’m kind of getting over that pain phase from that bucket of ice.

Ok. I’ll stop now, this is starting to sound so depressing. Good night. xo

P.S.

Unconditional love sucks